


Braska

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Afterlife, F/M, Moving On, The Fade, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 23:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11634483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: Zevran wakes up in a strange place with no memory of how he got there. As he walks, he begins to hear voices, echoes almost. It's not until he comes across the castle in Highever that he realizes where he is -- the Fade -- and what that means happened to him. Coming to terms with that means learning to let go of what he left behind and helping his Warden do the same.This takes place between the ending of "Love & Darkspawn", through "Searching for the Cure" and about half way into "Finding Life Again".





	Braska

**Author's Note:**

> This piece wasn't betad, so please let me know if you find any mistakes <3

Zevran awoke with a start. Something...something had happened. He wracked his mind to try to remember to no avail. He had been in an alley. There were others, he closed his eyes, but the images were too blurry. Still, he had a feeling in his gut that something bad had happened.

He rubbed his eyes, blinked twice, stood up and looked around. Zevran recognized  the countryside around him. He was about three hours east of Antiva City. How had he gotten back to Antiva when he was so sure he had been in Denerim?  _ Think, THINK _ ! He pressed the heels of his hands on his forehead and closed his eyes again trying to remember, well, anything. Why couldn’t he remember? This disturbed him most of all. Someone must have slipped him a potion, maybe in his food. Had he eaten? He couldn’t remember eating, but he didn’t feel hungry, so he must have, he reasoned.

His pack was lying on the ground where he had awoken. He could head back to Antiva City, he decided. To their home.  _ Who is their? _ He lived with someone? Perhaps another Crow? Zevran shook his head. Best not to think on it. “When I return to the city I will have allies that can help.” He told no one at all.  _ Unless it is they that gave you the serum.  _

He picked up the pack, which felt almost weightless.  _ Strange. _ It was quiet, and still plenty of daylight if he left now. He took a deep breath, and began his journey, hopeful to have answers soon.

The journey was quiet. Not one other traveler on the road, however given the heat, that was not all that unusual.  As he walked, he could see a large structure on the horizon. It was too close to be the city, and he was pretty sure that he didn’t remember that before.  _ You don’t remember much of anything, why should a building be the oddity? _ He shook the thought from his head and continued.

As he walked he tried to recall, he’d get flashes, but everything flitted by before his brain could grasp hold and investigate. An alley. A blade. His? An attackers? Red hair. Someone crying, someone young perhaps? The sound only an echo, just out of grasp of his ears. A druffalo.

_ A druffalo? _ In an alley? Now he knew his brain was scrambled. What in the maker would a druffalo be doing in a city alley?

As he walked, the building started taking shape. It looked familiar somehow, but he could not place it. It didn’t look Antivan, however he was still a far ways out from it, at least a half hour, and this was most definitely Antiva. This was a road he had travelled plenty.  _ So a building you can’t recall ever being on this road before is familiar and a druffalo was in an alley? _ It must have been potent, whatever had been placed in his food. What had they wanted him to forget?

He watched his feet as he walked, his ears attuned for anything or anyone that may attack, but watching his feet allowed him to try to focus his mind. 

_ “NO!” _ He heard a woman’s voice shout. He looked around, he  _ knew _ that voice. He knew it but whose was it? Why had his heart stopped when he heard it? When he heard the pain, the utter heartbreak within the shout? He was quiet and watched, but no one was there. Still, he had heard it, clear as day.

_ “Why are you being so cruel?”  _ That same voice cried in desperation. He twirled around. Who was yelling? Why did he  _ know _ that voice? Why did his heart hurt, like he  _ needed _ to find her, whoever she was, and comfort her? This made no sense, Zevran Arainai did not  _ comfort _ . He was an assassin, a master one at that.

He took another breath to steady himself, to relax his heart that was beating too fast. He continued walking, perhaps there would be healers in that large building. He looked up to ponder and stopped in his tracks. He  _ did _ know it. Castle Cousland.

If that...if this was in Antiva, that meant... _ Mierda!  _ He was in the Fade. Zevran’s legs gave out and he crashed down to the ground, his hands hitting the dirt in front of him as he fell on his knees.  The pack falling beside him. He tried to catch his breath again.  _ How? How was he here? _ Perhaps...perhaps he was just sleeping. Yes, yes that could be it. It would explain the druffalo in the alley and the strange shouting he’d heard.

He sat down, pulling his knees to himself.  _ Wake up, wake up, someone has you in a spell, you can fight this, wake up _ ! He rocked back and forth trying to will himself to awaken. He was feeling frightened.  _ Zevran Arainai does not know fear! _

Except...except he had, he knew this to be truth, but was unsure when. He saw a large tower before him in his mind. Climbing high into the sky. He could hear sounds of battle on top, see the tail of a dragon. He was scared. But that was high up, why should that frighten him from the ground?

Everything shifted and he  _ finally _ saw a familiar face. Taliesen.  He was standing on a hill above Zevran, his blade on the neck of a woman, red hair. Her eyes were locked on Zevran. Zevran’s heart was beating too fast, he could not...no, he  _ would not _ let Taliesen hurt his Warden. His Warden, Queen, his...his Ari. He remembered, they had fought the Crow, but they won. He’d been so terrified that day, but they won, his Ari, his beautiful Ari had lived.

Suddenly all the flittering thoughts came crashing into him at once. Zevran stopped breathing.  _ No, Maker, no, no please. _ He remembered. The attack, Ari and him back to back, his beautiful little girl between them. He had to save her, save them. Nothing meant a thing if he couldn’t protect them. He remembered Ari running away, carrying his little Princess, her crying out for him. He remembered turning, facing the Crows, two more appearing. Then...then…

Zevran rocked, holding his legs to him tight, tears coming down. He wasn’t asleep. He realized this now.  _ Please, please let them be ok, let them be safe, please. My Ari, Eleanor, please don’t be here. _ His heart clenched. They were gone, or more to the point,  _ he _ was gone.  _ Maker! _ He let out a painful, mournful wail, a noise he’d never made before. He was gone from them. No longer could he hold them, feel their warmth, their love. Not until... _ please let it be many years until I see them here. _

He cried for an hour, maybe more, unable to move from where he was, having no strength in his body to do anything but mourn what he had lost. It was not the loss of his life he mourned. It was the loss of his love, his love for his Queen, his Princess. They...they had been his life, and now he was  _ here _ without them.

As it started to become dark he finally found the strength to stand up, the need for safety from what might be in the Fade at night overriding his grief. Zevran picked up his pack, although he wasn’t sure what he could need it for at this point, but it was habit. He walked into the Castle. It was quiet, deserted most likely. 

Unsure where to go, he looked around and took notice of a door to the left. Walking through it he found himself in an enclosed courtyard. He remembered this place, it was in the residence wing of the castle. He and his family had stayed here several times when visiting Fergus, but never in her old room.  Fergus had take up residence in his parent’s room, his family stayed in a small room that had belonged to Oren’s Nanny. Both siblings refused to stay in their old rooms. 

He walked up to the fountain in the center and placed his bag down on the ground. Hands on his hips he looked around again. He felt like he was being watched, but he could not see anyone.  _ Most concerning, especially in the Fade _ .

As he looked down into the water he was shocked to see it was not his reflection looking back. It was a room,  _ his room _ in the King’s castle in Denerim.  He sat on the edge and looked, there she was, his beautiful Ari. But she looked  _ wrong _ . Dark circles under her eyes, her hair a mess, and her face looked too thin.

“My poor Warden, do not waste away for me.” He said to no one in particular.

Someone was sitting on the bed beside her, he looked closer, and realized it was Nathaniel Howe. Zevran sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. At least she was not alone, but he would have preferred  _ anyone _ but the old flame who very obviously still carried a torch for her. Nathaniel looked over his shoulder, at first Zevran thought perhaps he saw him, but he realized it was someone else as he heard Nathaniel speak.   _ Cullen, he was there. _

“She will not eat, please, try to get her to eat. She hasn’t had anything in a week.” Nathaniel sounded sad, worried.

_ A week? But he’d only been here a few hours. _

He watched as his beautiful Ari awoke, as she sat up, and let Cullen pull her into his arms. He heard her cry and his heart broke again. “Please, do not cry, mi amor.”

Cullen begged her to have just one bite of a sandwich but she turned her head away. It reminded Zevran of Eleanor when trying to feed her squash. Had the scene before him not been so heart renderingly painful, he may have laughed at the comparison.

“Please, please eat my Queen. Please do not join me here, live.” Zevran told her.

“They cannot hear us,” a child’s voice said beside him.

Zevran looked over and saw a boy of about five or six.

“I tried to tell my Da that I was ok, that he didn’t need to worry about me and Ma. But he couldn’t hear me either.” The boy gave Zevran a small smile. “Grandda says you’re my Uncle Zevran.”

Zevran looked at the boy closer and realized he recognized the nose and eyes. “You are Oren?”

The boy nodded and smiled brightly at him. “You’re Eleanor’s Da.”

Zevran felt his heart hurt. Had she...was that why his Ari was so broken? He looked back down in the water in time to see Ari sitting in a pew, Cullen besider her. A moment later Eleanor was climbing in her lap and hugging her. Zevran let out a deep breath of relief at seeing his precious girl was there.

“You know my Eleanor?” He raised an eyebrow.

The boy looked down, it was a reaction Zevran knew well.  His Princess did the same thing when caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.  “Oren?” he raised an eyebrow.

He nodded. “She didn’t want me to tell you. She was afraid it meant she was a mage, that she’d have to go to a Circle and away from you and Auntie Arianna. But...but I told her everyone can come here if they dream deep enough. She’s not a mage, I can tell. She’s not in trouble, for playing with me, is she?”

Zevran gave a small grin to the boy and shook his head. “No.”

He looked back to the water again. Ari was asleep in a bed, Eleanor wrapped around her also passed out. “It is confusing, these jumps.” He waved his hand in the air towards the water.

“Time moves differently there than here. It may be five minutes here, but a week there. Or sometimes it’s a week here, but only an hour there. We can watch them, but can’t talk to them.” Oren explained.

Zevran nodded as he watched his girls sleeping.

“It’s dinner time, do you want to come sit with us, Uncle? We don’t really have to eat, but we do anyway.” Oren watched him expectantly. Zevran smiled softly, liking the sound of being called Uncle. He nodded and stood, taking the boy's hand as they walked further into the castle.

Oren led him into a dining room where the rest of his family sat. The man sitting there, he looked so much like Fergus, but older, his hair grayer. He stood when they entered and gave Zevran a sorrowful look as he extended his hand to the elf.

“Zevran, Bryce Cousland. I’m sorry to see you join us so soon, my son. But we are glad you found us.” He pointed around the table. “My wife Eleanor, your sister-in-law Oriana, and you appear to have met Oren.” Bryce rubbed the boy’s hair affectionately.

“Join us, we were just sitting down to eat.” Eleanor offered, watching him with kind eyes. The same eyes as his Arianna. He nodded and took a seat, Oren scrambled to sit beside him.

“You’ll have to forgive my son,” Oriana smiled softly. “You’re a bit of a hero to him.”

“I liked watching you and Auntie dance. She and Uncle Nathaniel would dance really nice when there was a ball.” Oren said excitedly.

Zevran shifted in his chair, covering his mouth to hide his distaste at the comparison from the boy. “Thank you,” he replied in a low grumble, trying his best to give a kind smile to Oren.

After dinner he returned to the fountain, missing her already. She was asleep, the room was dark so he could not tell where it was.  Her hair looked shorter and uneven, as if she had hacked it off. He watched her sleeping, wishing she’d sleep deep enough to visit. His beautiful love. It had only been half a day for him and he missed her so much it hurt. How long had it been for her? Weeks? Months? He wished so much to have her dream so that he could hold her, even just for a few moments more.

He watched her sleep, happy to see her at peace for once. Wishing beyond reason he could touch her cheek, kiss her just one more time. His heart jumped as an arm wrapped around her. A masculine arm. He closed his eyes, he knew it would only be a matter of time, she was young, beautiful, and she did not do as well alone, she needed to be loved, he knew all these things, yet it was startling just the same. Zevran took a breath and opened his eyes in time to see her bedmate nuzzle in behind her.

_ Nathaniel!  _ Zevran’s fists clenched at his sides. The first time Zevran had seen him in person he knew, it was so very clear that this man was still in love with his Warden. Of course he was, she had been his intended. Zevran had wanted then to slash his throat, or at very least, to beat him to a pulp, to make it clear that Ari was Zevran’s and only his. But he did not, because he suspected his beautiful Queen loved the man too. But she never acted on it, never was inappropriate, whatever her feelings for Howe, it was clear that it was Zevran she loved more. This made him smug, happy that she chose him over her first love. Part of the charm of moving to Antiva, besides the strong desire to share the home he loved with his wonderful girls, was that she would be further away from Howe. He was the only man Zevran had ever felt jealousy for. And now he was there, in bed with Zevran’s Warden.  Zevran turned away from the fountain and slid onto the ground, feeling his heart break and trying hard to forgive her. He knew it had been longer for her, but for him it had not even been a day, and felt like a betrayal.  _ No, no she loves me, no matter what I know I am still in her heart. My poor sweet wonderful Arianna. My beautiful rose, I love you, I forgive you. _

Since that night he had taken more care to brace himself before watching her.

Over the next few weeks Zevran settled into the castle. The Couslands had helped him to adjust to his new reality. At first he was taken aback to how warm they had all been to him, but he soon realized that although they were all new to him, they had been watching him and Ari over the years, and they all knew him well. That they had been so accepting of him, considered him family, that was surprising, but not unwelcome.

Zevran discovered how much bittersweet joy it brought him to look in on his beautiful Eleanor. He was delighted that his Warden had chosen Alistair to watch over his precious girl. The King was kind, and loving and clearly adored her. Zevran wished he could reassure his friend that he was doing an incredible job with her, especially given he had no experience with children. Alistair would have been his first choice as well, Fergus a close second. He was the right combination of playful and patient while also being authoritative when he needed to be, ensuring the girl did not become spoiled.

She was safe, and for the most part, happy. Zevran would laugh with joy watching Eleanor tell stories to Alistair and Teagan,  and grin like an idiot watching her play with friends or learning to ride her horse. He had cried softly, wishing to touch her face the first time he saw her picnic under the moonlight with Cullen. It warmed Zevran’s heart to realize this man cared enough to carry on this tradition with Eleanor, to help keep him alive in the heart and mind of his little Princess. Cullen had been a dear friend to him and his Ari for so long, he was happy to see Cullen remain there for them both now that he was gone.

***

Zevran stood in the front courtyard play fighting using wooden swords with Oren. He was playing the part of a Darkspawn while Oren was the brave Grey Warden. Grey Warden Oren disarmed the Darkspawn Crow with ease. “Surrender.”

“Never,” replied the Darkspawn elf.

“Uncle, you can’t talk.”

“Oh, uh, grrr, rarrrrr,” Zevran corrected himself.

“Uncle, look. A mabari!” Oren excitedly cried out, watching the front gate.

Zevran turned to look where the boy was watching. He felt a combination of happiness for seeing a familiar face, and sadness at knowing it meant his Ari was now alone on the road. Fiss must have recognized the place as he walked through the gates with confidence. When the dog saw Zevran, he let out an excited bark and ran to him, nearly knocking the elf over. 

Since that day, Fiss had become a constant shadow at Zevran’s side.

Over the months since he had arrived, Zevran discovered that Bryce Cousland was a wonderful Wicked Grace player. The two often would sit up late playing, not that sleep was really needed in the Fade either, but just like the meals, they had their traditions.

Zevran looked at the cards in his hand. “Which do you think I should discard?” He posed to Oren, who was in his lap. Oren wanted to do everything Zevran did. Most recently, he’d taken to teaching the boy the game.

“Um…,” the boy studied them. “This one, Uncle.”

“Very good,” Zevran smiled at him and discarded the dragon card his nephew had pointed at.

Oren reached out and picked up a card from the pile to replace the one that had been discarded. The boy let out an excited squeal and showed Zevran the Angel of Death card. Oren put it on the table and watched as both men put their cards on the table face up.  He looked at both hands. “You lost Grandda!!!!” he beamed.

Bryce chuckled. “It appears I did. Maybe next time you’ll be ready to play your own hand.”

Oren grinned ear to ear and looked at Zevran who nodded his agreement.

“Can we play now?” he asked.

“Not tonight, come to bed,” Oriana appeared, holding her hand out to the boy.

Oren hugged Zevran around the neck and then moved around the table and hugged Bryce before  following his mother out.

“You are quite good with him. And I think he enjoys having you around as well. All that time, when he would see you...before. He loved to watch you fight, he would cheer you on often. Even though it is not happy for you to be here per se, I think he’s excited just the same to have you here in person. Next to his father, I think he admires you the most.” Bryce commented.

Zevran looked across at his father-in-law and smirked. “He is a fine lad. It is more tragic that he is here than me.”

“I know it may seem odd for a Teyrn to be happy to have his daughter marry a Crow, but I am. You were just what she needed. And it was very clear that you loved her, even when you tried to deny it.” Bryce gave him a wink. “I just hope my Pup finds her way without you. I fear she is very lost in herself at the moment.” 

Zevran nodded, “I carry these same worries.”

Bryce sighed and stood from the table. He patted Zevran on the shoulder, “Our Arianna, she is nothing if not a survivor. Somehow she will, believe that.” The Teyrn then walked from the room leaving Zevran with his thoughts.

He looked to the ground beside him where Fiss lay, watching him.  “What do you think, boy?”

Fiss barked once.

Zevran chuckled, “Yes, I agree. I think I am in need of a walk, come.” He rose and left the room, knowing the mabari would follow.

Zevran walked through the castle, stopping at the kitchen for a snack, and tossing Fiss a slice of bacon that was there.  Fiss gobbled it in one bite, and nudged Zevran affectionately. “We have come a long way from you pissing on my belongings my friend.”

Fiss barked once in agreement.

They continued to make their rounds, something that had become a night time routine for them both. Play cards with Bryce, walk the interior and the exterior of the castle, perhaps a little fetch, and then rest until morning.

As the pair neared the garden, Zevran heard the sound of children giggling. Before he could decide if he would investigate, Fiss took off in a run towards the sound.  Zevran gave chase, although not quite at a run, but stopped suddenly hearing one of the children call out the dog’s name.

His breathing halted as he turned the corner. Before him sat his beautiful Eleanor, her arms wrapped around Fiss’ neck, giggling as the dog licked at her face. Oren was the other child he had heard, standing near by. Eleanor has a slight, white glow around her. Zevran relaxed realizing this must mean she was here in a dream, not that something had befallen her.

He stepped back behind the wall to watch her quietly. She looked older than he had remembered, but not hugely. She had been six, nearly seven when he had left her. As she sat there petting the mabari he smiled, she looked so much like her mother when he looked at her. Her laughter was healing his broken heart. He brushed away the tear he felt form, and took a large swallow to calm his nerves.  He stepped back out into the garden and Fiss turned and barked at him.

His Princess looked up to see what had the dog’s attention and her grin grew so wide. “Papá!!!!” Eleanor cried out and scrambled to get up, running at him as soon as she did.  He knelt down and held his arms out to her and a moment later she crashed into him, knocking him into a sit. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he wrapped his around her, holding her close to him as the tears flowed this time.

Zevran started laughing as he felt the girl kissing his cheek over and over. He finally pulled her back from him and sat her in his lap.  His hands ran over her face, brushing back her long, blonde hair. “My beautiful Princesa. I have missed you my darling one.” He kissed her forehead.

“I miss you too, Papá.” She smiled at him. “I live with Uncle King now. I promise, I’m being very good like I told Mamá I would be.”

“I know my precious one, I have watched. You have been very good.” He smiled at her and hugged her tight again.

“I’m eight now, Papá!” she beamed at him. “It was my birthday last week and Uncle Cullen and Uncle Nate and Uncle Fergus all came and we had cake and played games and it was lots of fun.”

“It sounds like it,” he nodded. So it had been over a year then for them. “You look very grown up.”

Eleanor snuggled into his chest. He looked up and noticed that Oren had fallen asleep, snuggled beside Fiss. “Papá?” she said softly.

“Yes, my love.” he replied.

“Can you come back with me? I promise to be very good.” She looked up at him. “And then maybe Mamá will come back and she’d be happy again. She...she got different. She stopped singing.”

Zevran kissed her head again and touched her cheek. “I wish more than anything I could my darling girl. But I cannot, as much as I want to, I cannot.”

He could tell his beautiful Eleanor was trying not to cry, she sniffled and angrily wiped away a tear from her face. “Is..is it because you died?”

His heart broke a little realizing that, at eight, she couldn’t fully grasp what that meant. He nodded, “But I will always watch over you, and I am here anytime you wish to see me in your dreams.”

“Will you watch Mamá too?” she asked him.

“I will,” he promised her.

“Papá.” she said quietly as she snuggled back into his arms and yawned.

“Yes,” he replied.

“I love you.” She told him sleepily.

“I love you too, my Princesa.”.

“Goodnight, Papá,” she yawned as she started to fall asleep in his arms.

“Goodnight my darling girl,” he kissed her softly and cradled her in his arms until she started to fade a few hours later, which, after getting over the initial shock, he realized meant she was waking up.

He was surprised to find after she had left that he was not filled with sadness, but instead with joy at having spent time with her, at having felt her in his arms again. He adored holding her as she slept, it gave him time to look at her closer, to see how she had grown and changed in the last year. He eagerly awaited the next time she would visit, knowing she would again, and hoping it would not be too long before then.

***

As promised to Eleanor, Zevran did look in on his beloved Warden. Often what he saw broke his heart. She was so clearly in pain, drunk more times than he cared to see, and it made him worry for her safety. Twice he saw her take down a Crow and he was thankful for all the training he had done with her, knowing he had made the right decision to teach her the secrets the Crows had taught him. Sometimes she would talk to him, and even though he knew she could not hear him, he would answer just the same.

Today he sat by the river that ran near the castle and looked in on her. Unlike the other times, what he saw now made him smile warmly. She was sitting on the ground wearing a dress he had given her for her Nameday. Around her neck was the Silverite Heart pendant he had presented her with upon the birth of their daughter. He felt affection seeing her looking more like his Ari. Someone walked close and then sat next to her, and he felt relief to see that not only was it not Howe, but it was Cullen. This was good. His Warden should not be alone, she was with a friend.

Cullen and her were both holding roses, and he wondered why until he saw Cullen walk to the waterside. The Commander bent down and looked at the rose.

“Zev,” Cullen said, although Zevran was sure he could not know he was watching. “There are so many here that miss you, myself included. You were a good friend, an honorable man, and your absence has left a hole in this world. You will not be forgotten my friend. I’ll do my best to keep your family safe.”

Cullen then placed the rose on the water, and Zevran let out a heavy sigh. Cullen had always been an honorable man, and a doting uncle to his Princess. Zevran found he missed his friend dearly.

Ari walked to the water holding her rose. She looked back to see where Cullen was and let out a sigh. When she looked up, Zevran held his breath, it was as if she was looking right at him.

“This is fucking bullshit.” She said quietly, clearly not wanting Cullen to hear. Zevran chuckled at his Warden, who apparently was still not one for ceremony and propriety. “The stupid things I let Cullen talk me into.” She mumbled. “I doubt you’re listening, but if you are, I’m pissed at you. You left me. You broke your promise and now I’m sitting here with this stupid ass rose instead of somewhere with you celebrating nine years.”

Zevran felt a tear form, it was their anniversary, that is why she was at the water talking to him. In the Fade time was so wonky that he’d had no way to know it was today. He longed to reach out, to let her know he was there with her.

“You better be listening to me, elf.” She grumbled quietly and he couldn’t help but chuckle again at her. Only she would come to a memorial and yell at the deceased. He loved her feistiness. “This isn’t fair. I told you she was trouble, but you just had to be your charming self and convince me that all was fine. I’m going to kill her, and then you better kill her again. I have your blade, I’m going to stab it in that bitch’s heart, if she even has one.”

She let out a sigh, and when she looked up again tears were falling freely down her face. “I miss you, my assassin. Every Maker forsaken minute of every day. I know my leaving Eleanor wasn’t in our plans, not yet at least. I know there’s...things I did that you’re probably not happy about. I hope I am not a disappointment to you.”

_ Never, _ he thought in response.

“I love you. I wish you were here. Of course if you were I’d probably smack you. I hope you’re at peace, I hope you’re ok. I just...I just wish I could hear your voice one more time, feel your arms around me. I’m still pissed at you, you stupid elf. But I love you.” She kissed the rose and placed it on the water watching it until it was out of sight.

“I love you too, mi amor.” Zevran whispered in reply, wiping the tears from his cheek.

*** 

“And Uncle Cullen sent me candied dates, and oh oh, Uncle Nate gave me a bow just like his and he showed me how to shoot it, but I need a lot of practice. And Aunt Elissa gave me ribbons and Fenris gave me a book and Grandda and Grandma Cousland are in it, and he read it to me and he tucked me in bed and stayed just like you would do.”

Zevran watched as his daughter talked about her birthday with great excitement. She was very animated as she talked, her hands and arms flapping about as she paced around. He’d forgotten how energetic a young child could be, and he couldn’t help but be amused at her enthusiasm.

Eleanor walked up to him and held out a necklace to him. “Uncle King gave me this, it has you and Mamá inside.”

Zevran looked and, as she said, there were drawings of each of them inside. He looked at the one of Ari longingly. “This is a good gift.”

“It’s just like Uncle King’s. He said this way I can see you when I miss you.” Eleanor got quiet. “I miss you. If I’m really good do you think Mamá will come home?”

Zevran let out a sigh, his heart hurting for his Princess. He picked the girl up and placed her in his lap. “My bonita, your mother did not leave because you were a bad girl.”

“But if I’m good, maybe the Crows will go away. What if…” She snuggled her head into Zevran’s chest and he held her close, resting his cheek on her head. “What if she forgot me? Then she wouldn’t know to come back.”

“She has not forgotten you, my Princesa. I promised you I would keep watch over her. She misses you very much, and worries that you will not want her anymore just as you worry for her. She will find a way somehow to return to you, do not doubt this.” He affectionately touched her nose with his finger. “You just need to be my brave rogue for now.”

“Can you help her, Papá?”

“I will try, my sweet girl, I will try.” He kissed her forehead and they linked hands until she awoke in the real world.

*** 

Some days, watching his Arianna was easy. Despite her pain, she was still moving forward, gathering information, moving closer to finding a cure. And then there were days like this, where he saw her struggling, torturing herself for things out of her control. These were when he wished more than anything to wrap her up in his arms and hold her tight.

As the second vase in thirty seconds smashed to bits along a wall, he decided maybe being safe in the Fade wasn’t so bad. Especially since it was him she was cursing out at the moment.

“He promised! He promised he would be there, he promised he'd make sure she was never alone. He promised me. He lied to me, he lied and now he's dead and she's not with me, and I don't even know if she has a dog. He promised. She's going to be all alone.”

Zevran’s heart hurt all over again. He knew she didn’t mean her words, that they were born from anger, grief and alcohol, but it stung just the same. He felt helpless as he watched his Warden in so much pain, he followed her to the stables. He’d been gone almost two and a half years at this point, she shouldn’t still hurt so much. It worried him that she had not moved on from her grief.

Ari leaned her head on the side of her horse and let out a silent sob. “I failed Zev. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I let you down, I let our little girl down. Please forgive me.”

Zevran tried to reach out, to touch her, but it only made ripples in the water. “Please, don’t cry, mi amor.” 

Ari’s eyes looked upward. “At least I can take comfort knowing I’ll see you soon, my love.”

Zevran’s chest tightened at those words, he felt like he couldn’t breath.  _ No, please no. _

Cullen appeared again, and Zevran let out a sigh of relief when the Commander wrapped his arms around Ari and let her breakdown. But it did not stop the pain in his heart. She was hearing the Calling? It was too soon, twenty years too soon, this couldn’t be right. As much as he missed her, missed holding her, he did not want to see her in the Fade this soon.

Zevran ended the vision, needing to calm himself, and feeling that Cullen had things well in hand on his side. He leaned his head against the tree and looked up at the sky. He needed to fix this, to find some way to help her, to make this right.

_ Alistair! _ If she was hearing something, perhaps he was as well. Maybe he’d have answers, or could at least confirm if it was real. He drew a deep breath and tried to focus on the man, tried to call forth his image so he could look in on him.

He saw Alistair tossing something into a fire. As the room came into focus, Zevran realized this was Ari’s office at Vigil’s Keep. Why was Alistair there?

“I’m not sure.  Something is definitely up though.  I think until we figure it out it’s best to keep on a lockdown.  This fake Calling, and now mysterious orders from Orlais.  I don’t know if it’s all related or not, but something isn’t right.” Alistair said to someone in the room.

A  _ fake _ Calling. It was fake, not real! Oh thank the Maker. Zevran let out a sigh of relief. It was quickly replaced by ire when Howe came into view.

“Do you think she’s hearing it too?”

Alistair explained that Cullen had suggested as much.

“Shit.” Nathaniel growled.

Zevran ended the vision, he did not wish to see Howe anymore given where he had been the last time Zevran had seen him.

But it wasn’t real. He just needed to somehow, someway get help to her.

Bryce found Zevran cleaning his blades near the fountain. He’d learned a while back that when his son-in-law needed to think, he would clean his blades, even though there was little use for them here. The look on the elf’s face told him whatever it was about, it was disturbing to him.

“What is worrying you, my son?” Bryce sat beside him.

“My Warden, she is not doing well. She…” Zevran stopped cleaning his dagger and looked at he man. “I fear she will do something to harm herself. She mistakenly believes she is dying. She has been alone too long.”

Bryce nodded. “Pup feels things deeply, especially loss. After we were killed, I worried for her. Her companions, they kept her company, but she was really alone until you. This is why I knew you were right for her.  You were the first of them that knew how to break through the walls she had put up. You helped her live again.”

“I tried to use the thinness of the veil to reach her, to tell her this Calling is false. But she could not hear me.” Zevran sighed as he resumed his cleaning. “She needs someone to trust. Someone she can lean on, that she does not need to be strong around. She has been without love too long. She mourns me too much given how long it has been for her, nearly three years.”

Bryce patted the elf’s arm. “I understand the desire to want to help. I worried for a long time for Fergus. But we are powerless here, as much as it hurts, we can only watch. My only advice is to pray to the Maker, and try not to fret over what we cannot change.”

Zevran nodded, but wondered if maybe Bryce was mistaken though about being able to affect things. He was not so willing to just give up, especially when his Warden’s own life could be on the line.

Sleep was not something he needed any longer, so instead he sat thinking on who could help his Warden. There were plenty that cared for her deeply, Alistair and Cullen came to mind, but she needed someone to love her. Someone to remind her of the brave, strong woman she was, but also someone she could lean on when she was not feeling as strong. Someone that would reignite the desire to live within her. Howe seemed the obvious choice, but Zevran could barely stand the man when he was alive. There was no way he would be ok with the man with his Warden in death. No, it needed to be someone that would also honor the love she’d had with Zevran. Nathaniel didn’t respect it when the elf was alive, why would he now?

Then it came to him. There was another man, one Zevran could see plainly the first time he’d met him had feelings for his Warden. But, unlike Howe, this man never acted on them. He was respectful, and he’d already proven he was capable of supporting Arianna when needed. The mage had helped keep her and her unborn daughter safe in Amaranthine while Zevran had been in Orlais tracking an assassination plot against Alistair. The mage loved her, he respected her, he had respected her marriage to Zevran. Perhaps, given the chance to act on that love, he could save her. Being a Warden, he would understand her fears as few others would.

His mind set, Zevran began his search for Anders. It was not easy, something seemed to be keeping him hidden somewhat from the Fade. But he did find him eventually, and as fate would have it, he was not far from Arianna. But he was headed in the wrong direction. Zevran needed to figure out a way to get him to change direction. He needed someway to reach him.

The mage looked different. He looked older, thinner and with a long beard. His hair was now unkempt, his eyes haunted. Zevran bit his bottom lip. Perhaps this plan would not work, this man looked broken, perhaps too broken to save his Warden. But the only other option was Howe, and Zevran could not bring himself to investigate that route. Seeing the rogue in bed with Arianna had already hurt to much. The thought of him saving her, of perhaps raising Zevran’s daughter, living the life that had been stolen from Zevran was too much to bear. No, it had to be the mage. He just had to hope that Anders’ love for Arianna would be enough to overcome whatever horrors the mage was facing on his own.

He followed the mage for two days, looking for anything he could use to signal him. Then, on the third day it appeared. A tear in the veil. One thin enough that Zevran could perhaps influence it. He pulled out his daggers and began to rip at the tear, causing it to enlarge. Nothing happened at first and then suddenly the mage stopped and stiffened. Yes, yes perhaps.  Zevran slashed again and this time the mage jumped back, as if stung. That was definitely a reaction. The mage turned, moving in another direction, slightly more towards where Arianna’s camp was. Zevran just needed him to angle more to the west. A few hours later the mage was beside another tear without seeming to notice. As before, Zevran attacked it, and quicker than before the mage reacted, this time looking to distance himself further, and it worked. He was now headed in a direct line to his Warden’s camp. Zevran sat back to watch.

It seemed at first to be going well. The mage arrived in time to save his Warden, not that she really needed it, but a little rescue never hurt. But then she punched the mage and Zevran began to worry that perhaps he had not chosen so well. He fiddled nervously with his blades as he watched them sit down to a meal. Time melded and changed. He waited anxiously while they sat in the cabin together. Zevran held his breath when it looked as if the mage would kiss his Warden, but then at the last moment, the mage turned away.

“Braska!” He cursed. Why was this so difficult? Was he perhaps mistaken on the mage’s feelings for Arianna? No, no the way the man watched her when her back was turned to him, the way he hovered close to her, there was affection there, but fear. He was not sure fear of what, but fear just the same.

The next moment, he found the mage in a prison. What had happened? 

“Where’s Zevran?” Anders asked.   
  
Zevran watched, he could hear a familiar voice and looked to the side to see Cullen. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?” Anders raised an eyebrow.

“He’s dead. Over 3 years now,” Cullen answered and then proceeded to tell Anders the details. It was strange, hearing about how one died, even though he knew all that had happened, hearing someone tell the tale--it was surreal.

The next time Arianna entered the mage’s cell, he saw a change. Was this the reason the mage had hesitated before? Zevran smirked, he had not misjudged the man at all. In fact he had been correct. Anders had held back, believing her to still be married. It made Zevran stronger in his resolve that yes, he had made a good choice to help his Warden. Now it was just up to her to let the mage in.

He watched her sleeping that night and spoke to her, even knowing she could not hear him.

“My Warden. Not a day has gone by where I do not miss you. I miss your laughter, and your smile. These things are gone from you, and I wish more than anything to see them return. While I desire to fall asleep again with you in my arms, to feel you beneath me while we make love, to hear you tell me you love me, these things are not to be. So instead I release you to love again. I will be here my love, never far from you, but you still live and you should remember this. Let Anders in to your heart, I know he will protect it. Do not be afraid mi amore. Have a long life, a happy one full of the love I wish I could have given you. Let him in and remember how to love, how to have joy.”

Ari rolled over in her sleep, a small smile upon her face.

“I will always love you, mi amore. You will always be my queen. But now it is time for you to be his as well. Sleep well. I promise to watch over you my love.” He blew her a kiss and let the fade blur around him.

Turning, Zevran walked back to the castle to await with his new family for the day - hopefully many many decades from now - that his Warden would join them.


End file.
